In a funk.

I have been having "one of those days" for about a week now.

My life has been really stressful lately, and I have been "self-medicating" myself with chocolate.

I know I should not be eating the way I am and it is getting me down, which just continues this cycle of beating myself up and seeking food for comfort...

I have gained nearly 4 pounds the last 10 days which just adds to my frustrations! I worked so hard to get back on track, then my period and "stress" erase weeks of hard work in a blink of and eye.

My inner voice is being a real bitch too. She is really on a roll and I can't get her to stop putting me down! I have enough difficulty in my life right now, I do not need to be beating myself up too!

I feel alone and depressed and I keep killing myself with food. Aaron says he is trying to help me, but he has grown distant. He says it's because he wants me to be "safe" but this distance makes me feel even more alone.

I used to feel like such a successful woman... but lately I feel like a failure, a totally screwed up failure!!! Am I losing my mind?! Am I a manic depressive? I don't want to keep up this self-destructive behavior!

Aaron has made an appointment for us to talk to a professional on Thursday to see what a she thinks. I am nervous about what she will say, and that just makes me seek food again!

I need to get better and hopefully I will be back to normal soon.

Jess

Contacted by a Magzine!!

I was contacted this week about being in one of those magazines you see by the checkout at the supermarket!! I am so excited!

You know the ones that are like: "Lose 40 pounds by Memorial Day!" next to a HUGE picture of chocolate cake...

If I am selected for the magazine, I'll get to have a professional photoshoot!
Sweet! I hope it is a go. Nothing is confirmed yet.

I'll let you know when I know more!

Jess

UPDATE!!!

They did not pick me, but say they will "keep me in mind for the future."

Up a 1/4 Pound After Easter

I gained a quarter pound, but I think it is PMS PUFF. :6

It seems like my PMS has gotten worse since I have lost weight.
Maybe since I am smaller, my hormones are more concentrated?
Who knows...?

Aaron slipped on some ice yesterday and got really scraped up! :( His palms and his right knee are really torn up. His pants were torn, dirty and blood soaked. I felt so bad for him! :(

Brand New Picture Up!

You may not be able to tell but I have tweaked the code for my before and my current picture pages.

I don't like to call the pictures of me now my "AFTER" pictures because I am not done. I have made a lifestyle change and that isn't something you ever get done with. "After" seems to imply it is over....

Anyway here is the new picture I put up:


Clicking this picture opens a HUGE version of it.


I have also posted this picture in My Current Pictures.

I also busted my butt to change My Weight Loss Tips page so that EACH tip is it's own entry!!!

It was time consuming, but I think it will be better in the long run when I learn a new tip, or need to update tips.

I also **STILL** need to update the FAQ, (It's still "old school blue.") This update has taken up so much time!

I'll let you know how my Monday, POST EASTER weigh-in goes tomorrow. ;)

Cheers,

Jess

Suddenly Easter

On March 10th I said I was getting back in the groove. Ten days later - I am still doing well! I am actually keeping track of what I eat, and being consistently active! :)

And my efforts have paid off with a loss of 2.25 pounds! ( I still have to lose 7 pounds to get back to my pre-surgery weight though... but I am getting there!)

Things have been going so well, and now it's suddenly Easter...

Oh No! Not another “food-centric” Holiday!!!

My resolve to stand up to the Easter Goodies will be tested the next few days. I worry that all the recent progress I've made will be erased by Cadbury, Lindt, Recess, and Jelly Belly...

I am sure Aaron will "protect" me from the chocolate by bravely consuming it for me - my hero!! :) Seriously, Aaron is the most chocolate obsessed person in the universe - way beyond ordinary chocoholism. He's a chocolate consuming force of nature, the personification of pure Chocoholism... the Perfect Platonic form of cocoaphillia, if you will. ;)

Anyway, I wish everyone strength to make healthy choices this weekend! If you do end up with and Easter Ham, or Lamb, or a candy filled basket - do your best to count all calories you consume. ;)


Coming Soon! - Jess's First Video Post!
I have started to write out my first Video-Blog. I am kinda nervous about making it... but I figure you have all seen me in my underwear already, so I can't be camera shy. ;)


NEW WEIGHT LOSS TIP:
Count your calories BEFORE you consume them.

Figuring out your calories AFTER the fact can be a very negative experience:

"Let's see... I had a whole wheat roll with butter, a salad with dressing and cheese, 8 grape tomatoes , some grilled mixed veggies, and about a cup of homemade mac 'n' cheese. Oh crap... I just ate THAT MANY calories?!?! Oh Man, and I haven't even counted the 4 inch diameter M&M cookie yet... Not. Cool."

Does this sound familiar to anyone else? I've learned over the years that if I count what I eat before I eat it, I make better choices. (Doesn't mean I remember to do it!) After figuring out the calories in a sundae: 280 for the ice cream, 150 for two tablespoons of dove chocolate hot fudge, 120 for the banana... steers me towards a 140 calorie chocolate chip cookie, or 2 dove mini ice cream treats for 180 instead.

So avoid frustration by planning your meals in advance. You can create a balanced menu that is full of food you love, and won't derail your weight loss efforts!

Cheers,

Jess

Not for Sale.

The following is an email I received yesterday:

Dear Jessica,
Congratulations...or WOW!
I am interested in buying one before and one after picture for me to use in a appetite suppressant tablet infomercial.
The pictures WILL NOT be claimed as the result of the tablet.
They will appear for 3 seconds.
Please contact me ASAP if you are interested,

Thank you.

After thinking it over I responded with:

Thank you so much for your email! :) In the past I've had people use my images without permission, and it is refreshing to actually be asked first!

Being asked to be the "the before and after girl" is flattering, but after thinking it over, I must decline.

You see, I lost all my weight naturally, without using a diet program or "magic pills"... So I would feel bad to even be indirectly associated with a weight loss product.

Thank you for your understanding and not using my pictures.

Take care!

Jessica

Most people I've told this story to in real life are like: “Girl, you should taken that money and RUN!!!” But I would have felt so guilty!!!

I’ve railed against fat-exploitative products for years, and refuse to put advertising on my site. I am not going to suddenly give up on my principles for a few bucks!

Do you as a reader like the fact there are no ads on this site. Did you even notice?

Please comment :)

Jess

Shamrock Shuffled

This morning I participated in the Shamrock Shuffle, a local event to raise money for the Boys and Girls Clubs of Dane County.

My mom sent me an email on Thursday or Friday saying she wanted to get my little sister involved in walking events. (My sister is 9 and wears the same size as me.)

So I googled up "Madison Walks" and found the "Shamrock Shuffle" taking place this weekend! You could run 10K, 5K or do a 2 mile walk. My mom then told her boyfriend, who told his daughter, who told her boyfriend... In the end there were 7 of us! 2 runners and 5 walkers.

Our runners could really run too! My mom's-boyfriend's-daughter and her boyfriend participated in the 5k run. He came in second out of all the men, and she was one of the first females to cross the finish line. Very cool.

The rest of us walked: mom, her boyfriend, my little sister, Aaron, and I. The course went down State Street, a little bit north on Park, then up the curvy hill on Observatory Drive. Once you reached the half-way point, you'd turn around and travel back.

As we were going up the hill, most walkers were really huffing and puffing. They were complaining about the hill, but compared to the hills in San Francisco... it wasn't that tough. ;) I mentioned it to Aaron and he said he was thinking the same thing. :)

My little sister started out with a full head of steam, but started to fade back. I think her brand-new shoes were not "broke-in" so walking 2 miles in them might have been painful. :( Poor thing.

It was a fun family event that was centered on doing something healthy, instead of eating food. It was a lot of fun, like when we did the Crop Walk with Aaron's side of the family. :)

I'd like to keep up the trend, like go camping and take hikes through the state trails. :) We'll see what the year will bring. :)

Take care!

Jess

Two blisters on each baby toe. :-(

Earlier this week my comfy sneakers, that I wore all the time, and worked out in finally gave up the ghost. With all the snow melting, I can't wear the holey shoes in the icy puddles, so I wore my black loafers.

The weather was about 41 (HEATWAVE) so I went for a walk around the block... and ow!

I got 2 blister on each baby toe. (4 blisters in all) I spent the rest of the day at work in my socks. Then put the shoes on to cripple my way to the car, and got home to pull them off again.

Today I am wearing my winter "moon boots" that are wide-enough to keep my feet happy.

I need to get new shoes... but my feet are so wide it is HARD to find a good pair!

I never get to have "cute shoes." :( I love cute shoes... but my feet are just so WIDE. I would love to make a brand of shoes that are HOT, SEXY, and W I D E.
(If there is a brand like that - CLUE ME IN!!!!)

I KNOW it is possible to make sexy shoes in wide widths that will not cripple your feet. Why isn't anyone doing this?


In nerdy news:

Today is Pi day! Remember pi? Pi times r squared!!!
3.14159265358979323846

Well today is March 14 (3.14) and at 1:59 today at work, WE GET PIE!
It is a dorky thing to do, but I work at a computer software company... we are dorks. ;)

I will budget 500 calories for a slice. :9 Mmm Pie!

Getting in a Groove

I really feel that my health is really getting back on track now that I am walking daily - instead of trying to run 3 days a week. It's so basic I could scream at myself! "Crawl before you can walk, and in my case walk before you try to run! ;)

I know I am doing WAY more for my health with these consistent walks - rather than doing too much with a run, that lays me up the rest of the week.

My throat is bothering me again. I keep getting woke up by my throat... and I am going to try the GERD treatment again. I hope this time things finally get better... but I am going to have a very bland menu, with no caffeine or chocolate :( ACK! That reminds me! I am supposed to bring in a Treat for a co-worker's birthday tomorrow.... DOH!

I better make something fast!

Take care,

Jess

Pretty in Pink!

As you can see, I have been working hard to update the look of my page!

I went for an uber girly look, which is fitting because I am a really girly girl!

("How can you wear a skirt in the middle of winter in WISCONSIN!?!?!?!" Tee-hee! It's Cute!)

The style of this page is way more me now. (Good bye old-school blue look.)

I will be trying to post more often! I'm even considering doing some video-blogs!!

Please bare with me as I convert all the pages over to this new look. So far, only my Weight Loss Blog and My Picture collections are updated. Oh! I've added a link to my Costume blog to the Site Navigation, under the pictures heading. Feel free to check that page out too.

I will get to the FAQ, Tips and "original" weight loss page later this week. :)

Also, if you find any dead links, typos or bugs - let me know so I can make things the best I can for your viewing pleasure! :)

Oh, and on that note, I noticed that my current pictures are getting out of date! I will have to get new pictures up and archiving the old ones... but that task will take me another weekend to do! I am going to be Busy, Busy, Busy!

Time to take a break and watch T.V. - while walking on the elliptical trainer of course! ;)

Cheers!!!

Jess

New Look?

My website has looked the same since about 2004, and I think it looks ANCIENT.
I hope to come up with a new look over the weekend.

The content will still be the same, just look more slick.

Although I am open to suggestions to improve the site. ;)

Thanks!

Jess

Then my knee just starts bleeding....

Things have been rough the last few weeks.    

I have been sick, and my operated on knee has been aching.  The scariest part was when my knee just started bleeding from one of the incisions.  

That doesn't seem like a good sign...  

So I am again on the injured reserve until this spontaneously bleeding from the surgery site thing is figured out.   The surgery was MONTHS ago...   it's just odd.    It started bleeding just after a shower, so there wasn't fabric or anything rubbing on the site.  I also didn't shave or do anything to aggravate the site either.   Maybe the water softened the scab/scar and it just started to bleed through?  That is my best case scenario theory, and I hope that's all it was.  I left a message with my doctor and should know more on Monday.  :)

I planned to do some light walking on the Precor( my elliptical trainer).  Aaron then said that walking does not count towards my goal because it isn't a minimum of 30 minutes of cardio.  
I was upset because there is no way I can reach the "3 days of cardio each week for 4 weeks" GOAL (PRIZES!)" with my knee as it is!   So I asked Aaron if we can change the goal to something I can actually do, like:  "Walk at least 3 days a week for at least 30 minutes a day."   As I get better I can increase the intensity, but for now,  I need to take it slow.

Aaron agreed that I should take care of myself and work to strengthening my knee.  He then suggested that once I am able to do a Cardio Workout again - WITHOUT my knee hurting during or after - then I will get my reward.  Now that sounds more do-able. ;)

Goals should be something you can work towards and achieve.... but if conditions change, the goal needs to change to match your current ability!   If you can sleep walk through your workouts... they are too easy.  Conversely, if you are laid up for DAYS afterward... you are pushing yourself too hard.   It's all about finding the right balance!

I am going to take a low-impact walk. ;)

Jess