Living alone...

As perfect as Aaron is, there was one thing on which we disagreed...

To simplify it for a blog post: Aaron hates Wisconsin.

He wants to live in a large urban area with lots of culture and good public transit system.

He wants our kids to have opportunities to pursue their interests with a world class instructors.

These are things you can't find in small town in rural Wisconsin, and Aaron refused to start a family here. He even said that he would resent having kids here because they would "trap" him in Wisconsin.

So after years of arguing, soul searching and reaching our early 30s childless, I had an epiphany.

Just like when I realized that being fat and being me were not the same thing;
I realized that I don't have to live my life less than 25 miles from where I was born.

When I thought about it - it didn't matter to me WHERE we lived as long as we soon start our family.

My stubborness to stay in Wisconsin was preventing our own family from being born!

I shared this with Aaron, and soon he had a one-way ticket to San Francisco.

Aaron left last Saturday.

After being married for nearly nine years, I've found living alone hard. I have been keeping myself very busy so I don't have time to freak out about it. When I get stressed - it's like another person takes over my body and tries to make me eat really bad things. I stopped two "attacks" the Sunday after Aaron left.

"Crazy Jess" would start making a bowl of frosting or batter, and I would then stop "her."

I reminded myself that this is an unhealthy coping mechanism, and I should call a friend or workout. I then threw out all my trigger foods: chocolate chips, sugar, and cocoa powder. I have been okay since. :)


Aaron is staying with friends and is on the job hunt. He has some interviews, and is applying at IT temp agencies. (He is a computer programmer.) Once he has a job, he will find a place to rent.
Our lease here in Madison, WI is up at the end of September, so if he doesn't find a job and a place by then, we move to "Plan B."

Our future is really up in the air right now!


I am slimming down our belongings for a cross country move into a much smaller appartment.

Slimming Down

Aaron and I are moving to a new, much smaller, apartment soon and we need to slim down our personal belongings.

Although spending a weekend carrying boxes full of books we've never read, or DVDs viewed only once to our new place would be great exercise... there just isn't going to be room for them!!

We have been going through our collections, selecting only the "essentials."

Piles of really nice books, and like-new DVDs did not make the cut, so I thought I would take them to the local resale shop because they were too nice to just throw away!

I was only offered only $8.00 for over 20 really good books in really good condition. That was less than 30 cents each for books like this one:

I am not one to make the same mistake twice, so I started listing the remaining books and movies on Amazon.com.

In less than 24 hours, I had made 8 sales and shipped them off quickly!

Changing to Simple Layout again

Surprise! I have changed my site back to a cleaner, simple layout again.

My previous layout was pretty but not easy on the eyes.

I wanted to change to a layout that was neat and inconspicuous if you are browsing it at work!

I am still converting things, so be patient! :)

Have a happy, healthy and safe weekend!

-Jess :)

Changing Your "Spots"

I am loveable and deserve love!

It's often said "a leopard cannot change his spots" when someone believes he cannot change.

This saying goes all the way back to the bible: "Can the Ethiopian change his skin or the leopard his spots?"(Jeremiah 13:23)

I used to think that being a fat chick was who I was. Fat was me. My obesity was my leopard spots. I truly believed it was impossible for me to be healthy - I'm fat, I have always been fat -so why even try!!

Most people fail at weight loss because they can't change their spots. They go back to their old ways.

The truth is you can change your spots - but only after you believe you can!

Not a dream. Not a hope. Not a wish.

You really need to believe it is real... like those movies around Christmas time!!

Weight loss is more a mental process than a physical one. Your willpower and self-control, and self-esteem are key to your success.

You need to get your mind in shape before you can get your body in shape!

Are you battling depression or self-loathing? Get that taken care of first or you are setting yourself up for failure!

Losing weight isn't a magic bullet that will fix your life. You are loveable and deserve love right now - you don't need to lose weight for that! Do it for your health, that is the only reason that works.

Caught up in Summer!

First off, let me apologise for the long span between posts. I got so caught up in enjoying the Summer - I never found the time to make a new post!

I kept thinking, "Nothing to report! Life's great!"

I hope you are preparing for a happy, healthy, and safe 4th of July weekend!

Here is a funny video about getting healthy. I lost my weight just as they say by eating less (I made healthier choices, not really less) and moving more.

I would like to thank Starr for giving me the link to this video. It really made me giggle, and feel happy that I am losing weight the best way!

Letting food go to waste or to waist

Have you ever had to “finish off” something?

“It’s just a few more bites! I don’t want it to go to waste.”

As a child I was trained to eat everything. I had to sit at the dinner table until my plate was clean. I was also denied dessert until I ate everything. When I’d complain - I was reminded about “the starving children of the world.”

I learned that wasting food was bad and over-eating was good.
I was even rewarded for over-eating with more food!!! (Dessert)

I still have moments when my inner voice screams “I need to eat this or it will be wasted!!!”

Throwing away food was like throwing away money.

But honestly how much are those last bites worth?
Do you ever really benefit from over-eating?


Learning to “Waste” Food

When your brain is screaming “EAT THIS OR IT WILL GO TO WASTE” think of your waist!

You need to learn that it is okay to throw out food and let the last few bites go.

It’s okay, seriously. It’s better in a landfill or compost-pile than jiggling on your belly.

Learning to listen to your body and turn your senses back on when it comes to food, will help you notice when your body is satisfied sooner. (Before you’re stuffed.)

When was the last time you really paid attention to what you were eating?

Learning how to enjoy your food and eat only what you need is how a healthy person lives.

For example: breakfast today I had 1 whole egg plus an egg white - scrambled, with two links of vegetarian breakfast sausage on the side. (About 250 calories) While eating I really paid attention to the scent, texture and taste of my eggs and sausage. I concentrated on my senses and really focused on what I was doing and what my body was seeing, smelling, tasting, and feeling.

Honestly, it was magical. I felt just like a kid again. The eggs were full of flavor and wonderfully fluffy and spongy! The sausage was spicy and had a fantastic texture too. I even commented to Aaron (who must have thought I was crazy), “Wow! I really like scrambled eggs!” I wasn’t just woofing down my breakfast. I was actively participating in it.

Actively experiencing your feelings makes life fuller. You can feel satisfied eating less food and enjoy it more. Soon you will learn proper portions, and you will not have to worry about the excess going to waste.

About this blog

This "blog" originally started as a one-page tripod site that I would manually update. I would then send a link to my family and friends so I could share my weight loss achievements with them.

While updating the page to read: "-75 pounds lost!" I complained to a friend that I wished I kept a record of all my previous updates.

She suggested that I should use a "blog." I had never even heard of the word, but I soon had one up and going!

I also added pages for "before" and "current" pictures.

I never liked the term "after" for my pictures because the word after implies things have finished.

Truth be told, there isn't a "finish." You will always need to eating right and exercise in order to maintain a healthier body. You will need to find the level of fitness, that you can live with and be happy.

I was very unhappy with tripod(lycos) pages because they put banner ads for products I never would endorse or use all over my site, so I moved everything to blogger and turned the ads off.

Ahh! Finally peace... but that was not the case. :(


Over the years my site got really high ranks on search engines which resulted in lots of people trying to put their ads on my page.

This is why I turned the comments off for a while.

I also get lots of emails asking to purchase "ad space" as if I am a business! It really upsets me that they want to use my site to target your wallet! I fend them off daily, but it is really becoming a burden! I spend far too much time dealing with all of this! I am so tired of it all.

My number one goal has been to help others see that it is possible to lose over 100 pounds on your own - without any surgery, fad diets, "magic pills", or even a gym membership!

My compassion for you reading this page for inspiration or support is strong and clear, but it has become such a herculean task fending-off predatory advertisers!

I think I need to create my own "banner ad" to make this clear...


Comments with links targeting the overweight will be rejected.

Two weeks vacation!

Right now I am in the middle of a two week vacation, and it feels wonderful. :)

I used to get so paranoid about travel because restaurant meals are so caloric.

But this time we booked a hotel with a mini fridge and a microwave in room, so I have been able to eat healthy most meals of the day. :)

We plan to go to little Tokyo today. We'll most likely have sushi for lunch.

I really hope to visit Japan itself someday.

Sudden Intense Craving

Today I was struck by a craving for a McDonald’s Cheeseburger. Instantly my mind vividly imagined the smooth warm bun, the minced onions, pickles, and ketchup in the warm melty plastic cheese. I could smell it, and feel it, and taste it...

This really shocked me because I haven’t had a Mc Donald’s cheeseburger in over 10 years!

This only lasted a few seconds and now I feel really uncomfortable about the experience.

I don’t know what triggered such a lurid memory but its intensity was disturbing....

I'll have to look into that!



I woke up early this morning and did my Yoga DVD!

For breakfast I had and egg white cooked with olive oil on a piece of toast.

I had a mid-morning snack of some light vanilla yogurt.

Lunch was a Lean Cuisine Flatbread sandwich.

Late Afternoon I had another Lean Cuisine Flatbread sandwich (different flavor).

890 calories so far today.

I also took a walk around "the block" after lunch (about a mile).

Mean and Shallow

Sorry I have not posted in a while, but I have been crazy busy trying to get my costumes ready for the Anime Central (ACen) 2009 convention in Rosemont, IL.

I debuted my cosplay of The Diva Plavalaguna from the movie The Fifth Element on Friday, May 8^th 2009 to rave reviews!

Jess as The Diva Plavalaguna - "The stones are in me."

I put about 5 months of work into the costume. (Click here for more details and pictures.)

It took about 2 hours to get into it, with all the blending and painting to get myself the correct shade of blue. I’d like to give a big thanks to Aaron for all his zipping and tucking skills!

I think most people who saw my costume were very impressed by it... but sadly there was tiny group who were unimpressed by the person wearing it.

Behind my back I heard a young guy comment to his friends:

“Wow. That’s a great costume. Too bad she’s fat.”

Then later on the internet I read a comment saying: “she needed Jenny Craig.”

I got hundred of complements on my costume, but these two personal criticisms stick out the most.

I am not sure if I can express what it is like to have lost - and KEPT off - over 100 pounds and still be called fat by strangers....

Seriously, when did people become so rude? Why do they think it is okay to say/post those kinds of things?

I worked so hard for the body I have now, but I guess I didn't meet their "air-brushed playboy model ideal."

Not to be all "we-walked-up-hill-both-ways-to-school-in-the-snow" but there used to be these things called "manners." Where you would open doors for others, and if you didn't have anything nice to say, you wouldn't say anything at all.

It doesn’t “make you cool” to make fun of someone’s appearance -you look shallow, superficial, chauvinistic, ignorant, and petty.