Friday, August 14, 2009

Living alone...

As perfect as Aaron is, there was one thing on which we disagreed...

To simplify it for a blog post: Aaron hates Wisconsin.

He wants to live in a large urban area with lots of culture and good public transit system.

He wants our kids to have opportunities to pursue their interests with a world class instructors.

These are things you can't find in small town in rural Wisconsin, and Aaron refused to start a family here. He even said that he would resent having kids here because they would "trap" him in Wisconsin.

So after years of arguing, soul searching and reaching our early 30s childless, I had an epiphany.

Just like when I realized that being fat and being me were not the same thing;
I realized that I don't have to live my life less than 25 miles from where I was born.

When I thought about it - it didn't matter to me WHERE we lived as long as we soon start our family.

My stubborness to stay in Wisconsin was preventing our own family from being born!

I shared this with Aaron, and soon he had a one-way ticket to San Francisco.

Aaron left last Saturday.

After being married for nearly nine years, I've found living alone hard. I have been keeping myself very busy so I don't have time to freak out about it. When I get stressed - it's like another person takes over my body and tries to make me eat really bad things. I stopped two "attacks" the Sunday after Aaron left.

"Crazy Jess" would start making a bowl of frosting or batter, and I would then stop "her."

I reminded myself that this is an unhealthy coping mechanism, and I should call a friend or workout. I then threw out all my trigger foods: chocolate chips, sugar, and cocoa powder. I have been okay since. :)


Aaron is staying with friends and is on the job hunt. He has some interviews, and is applying at IT temp agencies. (He is a computer programmer.) Once he has a job, he will find a place to rent.
Our lease here in Madison, WI is up at the end of September, so if he doesn't find a job and a place by then, we move to "Plan B."

Our future is really up in the air right now!


I am slimming down our belongings for a cross country move into a much smaller appartment.

13 comments:

Keila said...

Good for you for taking charge of your life and making such a big change. And doing well w/ it. Good luck to you in San Francisco. I hear that it is a good place to have a family and it is a really fun city. BTW, I happen to love rural WI. We have a lake house in northern WI and love to visit there when we can, but I'm w/ you. Don't know if I could live there full time.

Dani said...

I feel for you so much! My husband is currently stationed in the middle east. He left not too long ago and I feel like I'm climbing the walls. I had to rid the apartment of anything I tend to mindlessly eat when dealing with emotions. Good luck with this transition :)

Hollie said...

I'll tell you what... I've lived in Wisconsin (Green Bay and Milwaukee areas), California (Fresno and San Diego areas), N.W. Iowa and I am now in Cincinnati. I love the city life, but I will be honest, I found the idea of raising our children in California hard to deal with... but I do love the happy medium we've found in Cincinnati. I wish you the best in your travels and new life in California!

Shyla said...

Chicago has a lot of culture, too. You don't have to move *that* far away. There is much greater value than you think in remaining semi-close to family. (I speak from hard-earned experience on that.) At least within a day or two driving distance. Let's see, by you there is Minneapolis, Chicago, Milwaukee, Madison, Cincinnati, Columbus... there's compromise that can be made. I know it's none of my business, but... here's to Plan B. ;-)

Jackson Ng said...

I am certain that things will work out well ultimately. Keep you hope up.

Hope to see your updates with better life.

Teri said...

Woo hoo! Girl, YES! I currently live in San Francisco - you're going to love it! It's expensive as all get-out, but it's such a great city! I cannot wait to read your posts once you move. WELCOME!!!

tina said...

Wow! It's a big leap but you probably made the right decision. If it was that important to him then it needed to be done. Your car is really nice. I life in Iowa - I wish I had $21k just lying around to buy it :)

Tim said...

The whole Scott family and I really wish you and Aaron lots of luck finding a job/apartment/life in CA. Some have expressed a lot of worry and sadness about being far away from grand children, of course. Certainly hard to get a house for the kids and such in that area, and many other cons about CA, however WI isn't perfect either. No place is ever perfect I guess that's life, just have to go where you think you would be the most happy and hope for the best.
-Andrea

Jessica said...

Hi, I'm a Jessica too...but on the opposite coast : ) And I stumbled upon your site/blog/whatev and must say I love it and agree with the material you post on 'tips.' I realized yesterday, that a 5'9" being 210 lbs., that I had had enough! Two years ago next month, I had eaten healthy and walked 3.5 miles 5 days a week, and got down to 168. Now those size 12 jeans are hiding in my closet and the 16s are too tight. I would like to start a blog, but much of what you have on your 'tips' is pretty much I would have lol. Just wanted to say I admire your site and think if I revisit your tips often, I can stay focused and lose the dreadful 40 lbs.

J.JeromeJohnson said...

I also stumbled across your blog and thought your tip section was great, especially when you said "But I knew that wasn't true anymore, and my paradigm suddenly shifted! I was finally able to see that being me and being Fat were NOT the same, and I knew it was true! As soon as I accepted that thought I knew that I would be able to get healthy and lose weight, and I have!!! That is a significant statement--I believe that we can never have significant long term change without first changing our paradigm about who we are. I had this image of myself that I was a big eater, which was fine until a few years ago now I've changed my image to "I'm a light eater". Keep up the good work! :) joel@selftalk4success

Losing200toLive said...

very inspirational. I look foreward to reading more from you and good luck with your future and many buns in the oven.. (whew glad my ovens retired and breads about done!!)

Christopher Feyrer said...

There you go again, doing the things i've never had the balls to do. Good for you, Jess...bravo. seriously...

Chris

Jessica said...

You may not want to sell your car until you figure out where Aaron is working. Most of the good programmer jobs are on the peninsula and you will want a car to explore all the bay area has to offer...