Thursday, August 3, 2006

Still Thinking with a "Fat Brain"

Even though I am now in a Healthy Body, I still have what I call a “Fat Brain.” For the previous 20 years of my life I’d been a “Fat Chick.” It's something that won't go away just because I am “skinny” now. (It still shocks me when people use that word when talking about me!!!!!)

Things are so much different now that I am not fat. The other day I was at a busy restaurant sitting at a small table in the middle of the lunch rush. I got up for some chopsticks, and was able to weave my way past all the crowded tables without bumping into someone with my hips or having to uncomfortably ask someone to scoot-in, or move their chair so I could get through. After I got the chopsticks I felt so excited and proud! This is something that most “normal-sized” person wouldn’t even notice, or even think twice about. But to me it was an amazing accomplishment!! I was so thrilled! I never would have been able to do that in my old body.

Another thing that is strange now that I am “thin” is the size of portions some people offer me. They seem to want me to overeat and make me fat again. It’s like some sort of passive aggressive attack, perhaps out of jealously of my success? I’m not sure if people are doing this on purpose... but when I was bigger, people offered me less food. Like they were thinking "Oh, you are big so you should not eat so much."

The weirdest thing that has been happening lately is random men suddenly talking to me. Strangers never talked to me like this when I was fat. I believe they are hitting on me, but again this is a pretty new thing for me. Shouldn't my Wedding Ring be like garlic to vampires to these "playas?" Or are they too busy checking me out to notice I'm wearing a ring? (Song my Husband made-up:"You are so hot! Sizzle Sizzle Mrs. Scott!)

Checking for a ring should be step TWO when checking someone out.

Step one - check out hottie.
Step two - check for ring on left ring finger.
Step three - hit on hottie, ONLY IF THE RESULT OF STEP TWO IS NULL.

Okay maybe that is a tad too logical. Most guys prefer to leap right into “Hey baby, what’s your name? Wanna hang?” approach. Gee!! How can I refuse a SMOOTH line like that?! Oh wait. I know! I am a happily married to someone else! :)

Today was another sucessful day for living healthy. Day 10!

It's almost the Weekend!!!! Yea!


LC in Sunny So Cal said...

It's interesting that you dealt with these "post weight loss" issues today. I met with my good friend and healthy living accountability buddy today, and we had quite a talk about the "fear" of the changes that being thinner will bring. Things like feeling it necessary to change the way we dress, use make-up, interact with men, etc. I'd love to hear more about what feelings you had about these issues as you were in the process of losing the weight.

I LOVE the idea of cutting a smaller swath through life...moving through a clothing store without knocking things off racks, sitting in airplane seats and saying in my 'OWN' seat...etc. I'm looking so forward to that part.

Keep it up, Jessica..a healthy life is one SO worth living!

pastgirl said...

When I was at my heaviest, around 250, I remember realizing I'd become invisible to me. I'd stopped registering. Since getting back down to around 180, I'm back on their radar screen. It's a trip.... and my wedding ring doesn't seem to matter re: looking and light flirting either.

It also sucks that fat women become invisible – the bigger you are the less people see you.

Thanks for your site, sanity, and inspiration!

Jess said...

Yeah, I am still getting used to the psychological side of weight loss. I'll try to write more about that in later posts.