Falling Apart

Because of my chest pains I was taking Ibuprofen consistently every day as directed by my doctor. Today I stopped my regimen of pain killers and my chest still feels slightly irritated, but now my right wrist has suddenly flared up with a scary repetitive movement-like injury. (BURNING OW!!!)

I feel like I am falling apart! *SIGH*

I'm still living healthy even if the rest of me can't seem to stay that way too! ;) I can walk and bike without using my right arm. I am going to cut this entry short because typing with one hand takes too long! Is it the weekend yet?! :)

-Jess

Like Clockwork...

My period started today, right on schedule. Even though I am all puffed up again, I am still a pound lighter than when I puffed last period! :) (I was 143.25. this AM)

Today was good day! :) I walked around the block at lunch, and when I got home I rode the bike for a bit.

My total calories for today were 1960 which falls in between my 1600-2000 calories a day range.

Feeling Upset...

This has me in such a funk, I have to just rant a bit....

I saw AN INCONVENIENT TRUTH this weekend. Everyone should see this movie, everyone.

I've never doubted the existence of Global Climate change. In fact every scientific study that has been published about about CO2 levels, ocean temperatures, etc... have all been peer-reviewed and verified. And NONE of the scientific studies have ever been disproved. YET "Global Warming" in the press and media, 53% of the articles released about global climate change doubt it's existence!!!

Since most people get thier information from the mass media and not hard science journals... I can see why so many people are ignorant about this issue and prefer to believe that "flucuations in the weather is a natural."

You just have to listen to the weather to know it is happening. +100' Temperatures in Washington state, drought and brush fires raging in the south, while flooding happens in the North-East. (And that doesn't even go into the melting permafrost, and artic ice...)

I have been doing well on keeping up with my exersice, but my calories spiked up yesterday.
PMS + Monday + Leftover Chocolate Pie = Over 2000 calories consumed. Time to restart my reward count. :)

My weight is up to 143.25 this AM, but I don't care! :)

Bug Reported and Fixed

Woohoo! I wrote an e-mail to the Lycos support people, and told them that the comments were only working in IE for my blog. They quickly corrected the bug. so please load my page up with comments in celebration! :)

-Jess

New Comments Window Only works with MS IE!?!

Wow, if this PMS wasn't enough to get me all crabby, now Tripod has changed they way comments get posted.

It seems to be written in a javascript that ONLY runs in Microsoft Internet Explorer! Argh!

I think it is time I get my own domain.
I have already started the process of moving this site to a hopefully Ad-Free domain! :)

I will be looking into moving this site over the next couple of weeks, and hopefully finding a way to migrate my blog too.

We'll see how long it takes me to get my ducks in a row! ;)

-Jess

Crabby Jess!! :P

My next period is due to start in less than a week. I realized this after I got instantly irritated by a question my husband was trying ask. I couldn't figure out what he wanted to know, so I kept asking him for clarification... my tone rising each time.

He then asked why I was getting so upset... that's when it dawned on me; my last period started 24 days ago... DAMN! No wonder I feel like I have been lobotomized!!

So my hormones are bottoming-out, I am puffing-up, and I am making a chocolate pie for my husband's birthday!!! This does not sound like a safe combination! But I will do my best!

I am still on target to get my next reward. I do not want to blow it this weekend and have to start the count all over! :)

-Jess

This is my Brain on Cosmo....

I was at the doctor today for a check-up and two things really set me off.

One was a article called "Half Their Size" in People Magazine. It was about people who had lost lots of weight without surgery. I was like cool, this is like me... But then the article said "No matter how many sit-ups you do, after losing a massive amount of weight you have to have plastic surgery to 're-contour' the body."

This really upset me because my body didn't NEED to be "re-contoured." I lost my weight slowly, so my skin kept up with my new shape. Deep down, skin is LIVING TISSUE, not a worn out sack stuck on your outside!!! And in time skin takes your new shape. (If you are young enough...)

The other thing that set me off were the air-brushed models in the advertising.

When I was on BBC's website today I discovered that they are doing a show to tomorrow night on The Money Programme called The Beauty Backlash. (BBC Two at 7pm)

I wish that I had access to see it... (I'd even pay for the Color T.V. license.)

I sounds like it is about the self-image problem many women have from the young airbrushed models featured in advertising.

How the make-up companies bleed us for money while touting magic creams that will reduce the appearance of wrinkles, make you desirable, or firm up your thighs. (Because You're Worth It!)

Nearly all of their ads feature a woman that has never had a wrinkle or cellulite in her life. (And they still airbrush her!)

They have been doing this since the 1970's. That's 30 years of making women believe they can't be beautiful without make-up... how sad. :(

In reality, I don't wear make-up unless it is a special occasion, and this post was one of them. ;)

A Journey Without A Destination

When I first started to lose weight, the weight came easily and quickly. To stay motivated I got a reward for every 10 pounds lost. (Usually a DVD) But after I lost 100 pounds, my weight loss started to slow down. So to keep my motivation high I switched my rewards to every 5 pounds!

Now that I've lost just over 135 pounds… I am stuck. I have been stuck here for over 6 months! I've never stopped my healthy lifestyle - and my body keeps getting more toned - but that scale just isn’t budging!!

I think it is time to redo the Motivation Rewards System again!!! ;)

It's hard to stay motivated when you see no progress towards your goal, and after half a year with no numeric results, I was getting discouraged. Then I had an Epiphany:

Why was I only getting rewarded when I reached certain weights?! I've NEVER WANTED to weigh a "magic number." That has NEVER been my goal. My REAL goal is to just be as healthy as possible! I don't have to be a “number” so WHY HAVE I BEEN TYING MY REWARDS TO A NUMBER?!?!?!?!

THE LIGHT BULB GOES ON!!!!

It was really a “D'oh!” moment for me when I realized this.

So I talked to Aaron about it and we worked out a New "Weight-Free" Motivational Rewards System! I just need to stay consistent to my healthy lifestyle for two weeks (14 days straight) and I will get a reward! Simple as that!

With this new system, I'll be watching "Ai Yori Aoshi." Before the 4th of July!!! YATTA!

I guess I should clarify what "stay consistent to my healthy lifestyle" is!

It's simply:
Eat between 1600 - 2000 calories a day.
Be active 3-4 days a week.

I will track this in my daily food log. Aaron will then verify my success, and order my chosen reward.

I really feel that the monkey is off my back now that my reward system actually matches my goal!

o/~ I can see clearly now the rain has gone! o/~

I'm ready for a some bright sun-shiny days!

-Jess :)

Back to 142.50 after the bloat goes away.

I filed today's entry under weight loss frustration because I am so sick of going up and down due to fluid retention. *SIGH*

Today for exercise I played in (and walked to and from) an hour long kickball game! Total calories consumed today, 1690.

I am hopeful that this sizzling weekend will leave me this weight or less by Monday. Time will tell.

Best wishes -

Jess

Weight climbs up to 144.50 as I heal...

My weight was 144.50 this morning. I am feeling much better physically, and I am trying to bounce back mentally. Being up to 144.50 again... argh.

Aaron thinks that most of this weight is just puff from salty foods. He is usually right, and that it melts away quickly.

I was so close to 140 just a week ago... But I ask myself would I rather be a "number" (140) or would I rather feel healthy. The answer is easy, I want to be healthy!

I did some light exercises today. I walked a lap around the block (about 1.25 miles) and rode the stationary bike for just about 7 miles.

My calories for today were 1600.

Back to 142.25! Argh!

Yesterday I had to go to the St. Mary's Emergency Room for chest pains. I didn't think it was anything serious, but the nurse insisted I go.

As expected, there was nothing wrong with my heart. They were not sure what was causing my pain, but their best diagnosis is Pleurisy. Pleurisy is the painful inflammation of the membranes surrounding the lungs. It hurts for me to breathe, cough, laugh, or yawn. It also hurts if a twist or move to abruptly.

They have me taking lots of Ibuprofen, and I have a prescription for Percocet as well... I have not filled the prescription... but the Advil is not doing the job.

I did not do exercise on Sunday or Monday because... well, breathing hurts and exercise makes breathing more intense.... But I managed to do a very light bike tonight!!

My calories however are totally out of control. I feel like The Very Hungry Caterpillar, but unlike the caterpillar all this eating is not help me become something beautiful!!! I know this is stress eating... yet I can't seem to stop! Argh!

So now I am limited in my activity because of my painful lungs, and struggling to keep my calories in check... I just can't get a break! *SIGH*

I was back up to 142.25 this morning. I am trying not get down about this... I hope to maintain this weight while I heal. I hope I heal quickly.

Cheap Date & Old Friends

I can't wait to see what my weight will be tomorrow! This weekend has been a trail, but I think I will come through it okay.

Saturday started with our Tai Chi classes, which turned my legs to jelly in a "good way." Then we were then visited by our friend Ed and his girlfriend Amanda. He also brought with him pizza! And not just any pizza, Topper's pizza!!! I had three slices of a Californian Topper, which is one of my favorite pizzas! We talked and had fun for a few hours before we said our good-byes.

After they left, Aaron and I got ready for a night out!! I like to sing Karaoke, and Aaron has been wanting to find a place to take me to in Madison.

You see, in the past I would go out with my sister to a "townie-bar" for Karaoke. Townie-bar Karaoke is nice because there are so few people there, so you get to sing more often!! But the song selection is usually small, and the air is horribly smoky!! It sucked coming home smelly and hoarse.

Lucky for us, Madison is one of the growing number of cities that has a smoking ban in all public places! Aaron has been wanting me to find a place in Madison to sing to avoid the smoke-attack. Last night we went out to a club called "Madison Avenue" - to their "Retro Room" for Karaoke.

It was one of the best nights out I have ever had! I had a $3.00 cover, but Aaron got in free with his student ID! :)

I don't know if it was the cold rainy weather, or because all the UW-Madison students are home for the Summer, but we basically had the place to ourselves!!!!!!!!

There were only 5 singers!!! Aaron (who more "speaks" than sings the songs) the guy running the Karaoke, 2 older women, and myself.

From about 10 PM to Midnight I sang:

Me and my Bobby McGee - Janis Joplin
#1 Crush - Garbage
Landslide - Fleetwood Mac
Cartoon Heros - Aqua
Dreams - The Cranberries
Seven Year Ache - Roseanne Cash
I Turn to You - Mel C.
Will I - Ian Van Dahl

We called it a night at midnight because our friends Doug and Sam were up from Illinois, and we had plans to do breakfast with them Sunday Morning!

At 10 AM on Sunday we meet up with Doug and Sam at the Pancake Cafe in Sun Prairie, WI. It was so much fun to catch up with them, and the food was VERY good!!

I have no clue how many calories were in my chocolate crepes with strawberries and whipped cream... I just know they tasted incredible!! *DROOLS*

With that awesome breakfast and Saturday's pizza, I hope that my weight won't be too effected! We'll find out tomorrow!

Good Night!

Jess

141.50!!!!!!!!

After a couple of days of being "stuck" my weight is moving right along now! I'm just 1.5 pounds way from 140! How exciting! This is the lowest weight I have ever been as an adult!!! :) Yippie!

I walked a lap today at work and ate 1660 calories! :) Tomorrow morning is Double Tai Chi.

I am so happy it is Friday! I need to kick back and relax! Stress totally cripples my weight loss, and I do not need it effecting me now that I am so close to my goal! :)

I hope you have an awesome weekend!

-Jess

The scale is moving again! :)

Woohoo! My weight has slowly started to move again!!!
(And in the "right" direction too, I might add! ;) )

I was 142.25 this morning! I think this is just the beginning something big. :)

My calories were 1630 today, and I will be riding my bike while watching T.V. for my exercise tonight! :)

I better get biking!

-Jess

Hot Dogs and a Skinny Cow

I was STILL 142.50 this morning when I got on the scale. Argh, tomorrow HAS to be the day when things start moving again right?

My supper tonight included some Turkey Hot Dogs and a Skinny Cow Chocolate and Peanut Butter Ice Cream Sandwich. (Thank you Jacquelyn for suggesting these tastey treats.) When I was writing "Hot dogs and Skinny Cow" into my journal I thought it was kinda cute and made it the title of my entry today.

I did yoga this morning for my activity and ate a total of 1620.

Still 142.50...

Today I wore one of those really annoying shirts where you either have your belly roll popping out the bottom, or so much "cleavage" your bra sticks out the top!! How stupid! Argh!

I remember the days I used to dream about being able to shop in the "Normal" section of the store... but now that I can, I don't think manufactures make decent clothes in any size!! *SIGH* Maybe this is because all the clothes now-a-days are being made as cheaply as possible in China, or India, by poor people in horrible conditions... but I digress!

I guess I should just learn how to sew for myself!!! :)

I was still 142.50 this morning... I hope that my weight loss will start moving again soon. Please, oh please, let me reach 140 by Father's Day!!

I ate 1760 calories and didn't work out tonight because of "severe weather."

Even more puff gone!

I was 142.50 this morning! Just two and a half pounds to go now! I am so excited! :)

We went shopping today! I also read a few chapters in a book, took a nap, played a 4-hour long board game, then watched Star Wars Episode III. So... I didn't do any exercise, but I did keep my calories to 1890. :)

143 on the Third!

The "period puff" is already gone and I was back to 143 on the dot this morning! :)

Saturdays rock because Aaron and I have 2 Tai Chi classes back-to-back in the morning! Today we learned the last bit of the first form! Once we feel comfortable doing it, we can "test" to earn our BLUE sashes!!! (Kinda like the "belt system" in other martial arts.) YEA!!!

Tai Chi litteraly translates as "Supreme Ultimate," so I am learning the "Supreme Ultimate Martial Art!!"

Peggy Choy, our instructor, said that the three things we should learn from Tai Chi are:

1.) Friendship!
Life is always better with someone to share it with, and Tai Chi looks even cooler when you have like a dozen people all moving in unison. ;)

2.) Patience!
It takes years to perfect any martial art, especially Tai Chi.

3.) Practice!
Work hard at getting better at Tai Chi!

These concepts also apply to the rest of your life too :)

Tai Chi counts as my Exercise for today, and I ate a total of 1920 calories. :)

-Jess

Period & "Bonus Pound"

Grr!!! My period started *AGAIN* last night... Man didn't I just do this?! A 26 day cycle!? It just doesn't seem fair! But who ever said life is fair?!

I was a pound puffier this AM, How Annoying! (144.25) Argh.... On the bright side, I know that the puff will go away soon!!!

I am taking today as a "rest day" and trying to eat between 1600 - 1800 calories. :)

I hope that about 300 of that 1800 will be chocolate!!!
:)

Cheers!

-Jess

May Was Okay!

May was a good month for weight loss for me! I'm down three pounds! Even with the blood donation, and Holidays... (Mother's Day and the long Memorial Day Weekend) the scales still tipped in a favorable direction!




If I can be just as successful in June as I was in May, I will surely be 140 pounds (or less) before the 4th of July! I am so Excited!! Yeah! :) I can't wait to get my next reward!!!

*HUGS*

-Jess